Who am I?
Life is unexpected. You just can’t plan it, which is often a good thing, but sometimes the unexpected throws you into crisis. Even the good ‘unexpected’ parts. They require a new self-definition. Take my ordinary life.
This was my plan as I entered college:
Graduate with honors at the top of my class. Step into a successful teaching career, complimented by a coaching position in which I would mold championship-caliber teams, resulting in several state titles. (Seriously. They make you write this stuff down as you begin your college journey. Gotta have goals, you know).
Let’s take note of what was not on that plan. Anything missing, gals? I’ll give you a minute. I’ll bet you’ve noticed a few items missing, so let’s move into the rest of the story as it stands years later.
I did graduate, with nerd-ropes, but not at the tippy-top of my class. The real quirk, though? By the time I graduated at the tender age of 22, I was already a married woman. God loves irony (you did notice that wasn’t in the plan, right?).
I did teach, for just a little while, and I loved it. I even dabbled with the coaching thing, but by the time I got around to that, we had our first baby. Paradise shifted, and I became a stay-at-home mom. Can we say identity-crisis? I’d gone from a career-centered mindset to mommy–which was lovely and I don’t for one minute regret it. I found myself busy with changing diapers and scrubbing toilets and eternally trying to contain the ever-erupting laundry room. So not in the life-plan. Many, many days I went to bed wondering ‘who am I?’
Twelve years later, and I’m at another crisis. My daughter entered Junior High, and my baby, the fourth of our wonderful children, started kindergarten. They still need me, but it’s not the same. Sheesh, I’d just settled into the role I’d been given. Now I’m at that juncture again, with the question flashing at the intersection: ‘who am I?’
See, this is what happens when I define me by the things around me; by the roles that I play and the things that I do. It’s time, I think, to take a new approach.
So, Jesus, who am I?
Certainly He must have a lot to say about that.